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Finding Your Own Financial Priorities (Without Borrowing Someone Else’s)

FINAV·
Finding Your Own Financial Priorities (Without Borrowing Someone Else’s)

Most money advice assumes you already agree on the destination. Save more. Pay off debt. Invest. Optimize.
But a lot of people aren’t stuck because they don’t know those words. They’re stuck because they’re trying to follow a map for a place they don’t actually want to go.

Financial priorities sound like they should be obvious. In real life, they’re usually awkward. They change. They conflict. And they can feel suspiciously moral, like if you pick the “wrong” one it says something about you as a person.

It doesn’t. It says something about your constraints, your season, and what you’re trying to protect.

1) “Priority” is often code for “What pain are you managing?”

Here’s a specific thing I’ve seen: two people with identical incomes can make opposite choices and both be reasonable.

  • Person A keeps extra cash in checking because overdrafts are a constant threat. Their priority is avoiding fees and the scramble of being short by $40.
  • Person B throws every extra dollar at a credit card because the monthly interest is loud and demoralizing. Their priority is reducing the number of bills that can surprise them.

If you try to force both people into the same “best practice,” it gets evaluative fast. One starts feeling “undisciplined.” The other starts feeling “irresponsible.” Neither label helps them pay rent.

A priority isn’t always a noble long-term goal. Sometimes it’s just:

  • fewer calls from collections
  • fewer nights doing mental math at 2 a.m.
  • fewer late fees
  • fewer arguments that start with “Did you pay that bill?”

That’s still a priority. It counts.

One opinion we hold at FINAV: optimization doesn’t help when someone is overwhelmed. When everything feels urgent, “what’s mathematically ideal” can turn into a new way to feel behind.

2) Your priorities might be competing, and that’s not a character flaw

A clean priority list implies your goals line up neatly. Most people’s don’t.

You can want:

  • to pay down debt and stop living on a knife edge
  • to save for the future and replace the tires that are already bald
  • to be generous and not resent it later
  • to move out and keep your current job’s stability

If you feel torn, that’s not indecision. It’s information. It’s your brain noticing tradeoffs.

A small but concrete way to surface the tradeoff is to finish this sentence twice:

  • “If I put $200 toward X this month, I’m buying ______.”
  • “If I don’t put $200 toward X this month, I’m buying ______.”

Example:

  • “If I put $200 toward the credit card, I’m buying fewer minimum payments and less interest next month.”
  • “If I don’t put $200 toward the credit card, I’m buying a little breathing room and a lower chance of overdrafting.”

Now you’re not arguing with yourself about what you “should” do. You’re choosing what you can live with.

And sometimes the honest answer is: “I can’t live with either option, but I have to pick one.” That’s a real financial situation, not a mindset problem.

3) Most advice fails when it feels like a performance review

A lot of people don’t avoid money because they’re lazy. They avoid it because every interaction feels like getting graded.

Here’s what “graded” advice sounds like in practice:

  • “You need a strict budget.” (Translation: you can’t be trusted.)
  • “Cut your subscriptions.” (Translation: your life is frivolous.)
  • “Stop eating out.” (Translation: your time and energy don’t count.)

Even when the math is correct, the tone makes people disappear. And then the plan, however solid, becomes irrelevant.

Orientation works better than instruction. Orientation is quieter. It starts with:

  • Where are you right now?
  • What’s pulling on you?
  • What are you trying to prevent?

Instruction starts with:

  • Do this.
  • Don’t do that.
  • Here’s the system.

One next step could be to replace “What should I do?” with “What am I trying to make easier in the next 30–90 days?” That timeframe matters. It’s close enough to be real, but not so close that it turns into daily panic.

4) A useful priority list is built from numbers and values, not vibes

Some people get stuck in “values” talk because it never hits the ground. Other people get stuck in pure math because it ignores the human cost.

The list tends to work when it includes both.

Try building a “three-bucket” snapshot. Not forever. Just for this season.

Bucket 1: Stability (keeping the floor from falling out)

These are the things that create cascading problems when they go wrong:

  • rent/mortgage
  • utilities that affect housing (electricity, heat, water)
  • transportation that keeps income possible
  • minimum payments that prevent penalties or account closures

If you’re behind on anything here, it’s hard to care about “optimization.” Your nervous system is busy.

Many people start by choosing one stability target that reduces chaos fastest. Often it’s getting one bill current, or creating a small buffer so the checking account stops hitting zero.

Bucket 2: Pressure relief (reducing recurring stress)

This bucket is about the bills or patterns that keep reappearing and draining attention:

  • a credit card with a high minimum relative to your income
  • a buy-now-pay-later stack that’s hard to track
  • fees (late fees, overdrafts) that add insult to injury
  • a variable expense that keeps spiking (groceries, gas, childcare)

A reasonable next move is to pick one pressure point and make it slightly less sharp. Not eliminated. Just less sharp.

Specific example: if overdrafts are costing you $70 some months, you might prioritize building a $150 buffer before making extra debt payments. That’s not “giving up.” It’s choosing to stop paying a penalty tax.

Bucket 3: Future-you (slow progress that’s allowed to be slow)

This bucket matters, but it can’t be built on shame. It usually includes:

  • an emergency fund (even if it starts tiny)
  • retirement contributions (even if it’s not the “ideal” percentage)
  • sinking funds for predictable costs (car repairs, gifts, annual bills)
  • saving toward a move, training, or a life change

If money is tight, this bucket might be symbolic at first. A $20 automatic transfer isn’t about the amount. It’s about proving to yourself that the future is still part of the plan, even in a rough stretch.

One option to consider is setting a “minimum viable future” contribution, the smallest number you won’t resent. Resentment tends to be the thing that breaks plans six weeks later.

Actionable takeaway: name one priority, and give it a job

You don’t need a perfect list. You need one decision that reduces confusion.

If you want to, we can start with three questions and a single number:

  1. What is the one expense or bill that creates the most mess when it goes wrong?
  2. What is the one money task you keep postponing because it feels heavy?
  3. What would “a little better” look like by the end of next month? (Be concrete: “no overdrafts,” “one account current,” “$300 less on a card,” “a $200 buffer.”)

Then pick one number that matches that “little better” outcome:

  • $150 buffer
  • one extra minimum payment
  • $50/week toward groceries to stop the mid-week scramble
  • $100/month toward a predictable annual bill

Give the number a job, and let it be enough for now.

If keeping track of all this feels like one more thing to manage, the Financial Guru app can help you build that picture through a quick conversation — no spreadsheets required.

The point isn’t to prove you’re good at money. The point is to make your life slightly easier in a way you’ll actually maintain. When that’s the goal, your priorities start sounding less like a rulebook and more like a plan you can live with.